sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a lil normalcy please I really, really am growing a bit tired of the whole TTC thing. I know I'm only in the second month of "trying," but I'm in the third month of "worrying." I've spoken to a lot of people about babies and pcos and all sorts of things. All these insights and tips and tricks. I hear the "you'll be fine" and the "you're stressing too much." When it's your own body, you really cannot believe someone else's opinion. Regardless, I'm slightly pissy because I think I *could have* ovulated a week ago. With my lovely irregular periods, I have a few days of spotting, no period for April! (That is now TWO months w/o it). The end of April/May I got the egg whites and moisture and didn't really thing anything of it. It finally occurred to me, days AFTER and hello, maybe I ovulated! With irregularity, you just never know. So here I am ... supposedly on CD12, taking my lil ovulation kit strips and no positives yet. Supposedly I'm to ovulate either on May 9th of May 14. Again I am basing this off of the first day I spotted - I figure this was my "period." So feeling as if I missed the entire bandwagon I'm feeling very irritated. I mean you have such a small window of time to get prego. Not to mention, IF you do even release an egg. And not to mention YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW if you did or did not. Argh. So I'm very irritated, yet again, by this whole ordeal. I am going to call the gyn in June if I do not get a full fledge period. I hate to be put on Provera to induce my period, but at least then I can count days, etc. Still, I'm going to continue with my lil sticks for the next two weeks. What a waste, really, if I never get a positive and what a fucking LET DOWN if I do not, because then, I can say w/o a doubt that I did not ovulate. No LH surge, no nothing. I'm really itching to just call up my gyn and say, please just run some tests NOW because I'm feeling crazy. I'd go to my normal GP but she'll just say I need to lose weight and that I shouldn't be trying because I just got married. Since when are GP's therapists? OR since when is that there choice? I also am tired today - didn't sleep well. So my bbt chart is all fucked up because I usually never sleep all that good - not for a while now. Last night was worse --- didn't get to sleep until around 2:30 and with that, wasn't a peaceful sleep and finally up at 4 a.m. and then up at 7 a.m. So...uh ... I am tossing out that temperature. Looking at my chart, I just cannot see the benefit of it. I mean, I don't even think I'm doing it right. Perhaps if my cycles were normal, or somewhat easy to count by, it would be easier. I just feel like someone who's trying to fix something with tools that sometimes work, and instructions that sometimes are there. Argh. I know I'm nutty today, the lack of sleep, stress at work and newly found stress of weight loss is driving me mad. I really feel FUCKED UP because I've been trying to eat better and exercise, yet I've fucking GAINED WEIGHT. Tell me how the hell that happens??? I mean seriously, I wish I were prego to explain this odd weight gain. Then my mind whispers --- hey pcos has unexplained weight gain. And ah. I just ordered three tincture bottles of: vitex, dong quai and false unicornn root. All of these herbs are supposed to: regulate my period, balance my hormones and help me get prego. We'll see. I'm so chock full of vitamins and herbs, I should be losing weight like a mo fo. I also have been reading up on how gallbladder surgery messes with your hormones. No research has been done about this, but there are loads of women (including me) who have issues regulating. Oh well. It's been 2.5 months, almost three since that surgery. And it's been now three months that've been off the pill. Wow. Lots o' fun there, so many avenues. I just want some normalcy. Is that to much to ask for? 3:14 p.m. - 2008-05-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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