sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wow...... Weight loss is on my mind tonight. Actually, I think it's on my mind, on a daily basis. I've been researching it tonight. I really dislike the weight that I am currently at. I'm not quite to my heaviest, but nearly there if I were to gain about 15 lbs. Still, I kick myself - repeatedly - because of how much weight I had lost with my gallbladder surgery. I just simply was not eating. I went from 315 to 265! I did that in about THREE months. I was eating NO fat - or LITTLE fat. No cheese, no butter, nothing with more than 3 or 5 grams of fat per serving. My dinner most nights? Rice with powdered butter (Molly McButter or whatever) or salad. OR cereal. I'm going to go back to that "diet" ... of no cheeses, no butter and no full fat anything. I'm also going to TRY to give up sugar. I know if I do those things I will succeed. I also want to give up fast (fat) food. It just is SO hard. I give 100 billion percent credit to those who lose weight. I know I DID IT, but it was only because I was AFRAID. Afraid of a gallbladder attack! That alone sparked my diet ... and I NEVER went off of my "plan." So alas, I thought about taking ALLI diet pills because it seems if you go over on fat - you'll just "dump" it out ... all in your pants, at any second. But I figure the whole MONEY thing of buying pills (I think it's $60 a month?!) and the whole shitting my pants is a turn off. I just spent a while on U-Tube watching videos of people who've lost weight. The Joy Club videos are inspiring. These women who are shown large (my size) and then 5 seconds later walk out thin - I wish it were that easy - I know I have the power to do this. But I do it for a few weeks, a month, lose some, then get stupid and eat whatever again and gain it all back. I just am going to do this for HEALTH. I feel tired a lot now and just blah and achy - a lot more - not a lot of POWER that I once had when I exercised A LOT. Yeah I used to be a gym rat - in Michigan - I exercised THREE times a week! Sometimes four! Taking A LOT of exercise classes. I NEVER was huffing and puffing when I went upstairs. Now I embarrass myself all the time where I work because of FLIGHTS of stairs I sometimes must walk. At the end of 4 flights, I feel like my knees will literally give out. So I'm going to do SOMETHING about this. Too many excuses. All the time. I know I'll fall, I'll fail, but in that I need to stop QUITTING and just get back up and start A NEW. I'm just an emotional eater. And now I'm going to try to BUSY MYSELF so that I DO NOT have the time to munch mindlessly. I know it's a lifestyle change. I also need to UP my water consumption. I think I need to drink 8 glasses a day and actually DO IT. I think a lot of my hunger is from thirst. I am going to stop buying pop - even DIET. I am going to buy sugar free desserts (massive sugar tooth). I am going to exercise, get back into a routine. I need too. I want to lose 10 pounds starting off. I want to get back to my 265. Lord ... I am at 304 now, sometimes 308 (have issues after gallbladder surgery with constipation). I cannot believe that ... 265 ... to 304. I hovered at 290 for a long time, but then with hubby's DOUBLE lay off ... and then the baby thing ... I emotional eat and just ate myself HAPPY or should I say UNHAPPY. OKAY I got there once ... I can get there again. I got to 265 with NO exercise too, so ... I maybe I can get there quicker this time with exercise. OH MY GAWD. Sorry, I just realized now that I gained 40 POUNDS post surgery ... from Feb. 07 to now .... wow........... I am speechless. *Shock* 9:16 p.m. - 2008-11-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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