sourgurl77's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- run out.... Wow. Haven't updated this in a very long time. I have been the same mostly. Just trying to stay a float in this shit economy. Also am getting the baby itch again, am so tired of these waits. His doctor is always saying "another 3 months, another 3 months" and then it's 6 months later and we're still at square one. Last time, we lit a fire under his ass. Especially when he asked if we were ready for kids and both of us said "YES" in an exasperated tone. So I think he knows we mean business. So at that time he said "another 3 months" and that was ... gosh ... a month ago? Or two months, not sure. So now hubby did another sperm test last week and we don't know the results yet. I hope that there are at least SOME. Just to give us some hope that the medication and vitamins he's been taking works. I know the testosterone he's been on has *really* worked because he's horny, all the time. And gets ... hard ... now. Before he rarely got hard - now he'll kiss me and boom, he's hard. Also during sex, it's a lot easier, whereas before we had to really work it ... and in that, it was a few times before we got to the finish line. The last few times it's been like he's on viagra. AND even doing it twice in one night - a RARITY let me tell you. So something is working ... and that gives us hope. I am and have been worried about ME. I have been trying to lose weight and cannot seem to? I don't know ... I just don't get it. I also don't know if I'm ovulating. I also didn't get my period - only spotted. I wondered for a bit if I had ovulated because I do see the cervical mucous - but then no period. So who knows. I see my doctor in a week and 1/2. I'm VERY worried about that - I hate the year pap. I get very very nervous and then I tense up ... and then I'm in pain ... and it's just a big anxiety attack thing. So I'm taking a big dose of pain pills and some herbal anxiety pills. So I hope the combo makes me SICK, so then I can concentrate on not barfing or passing out ... ha! Regardless, if hubby's test comes back with at least a FEW sperm, I am going to ask for my gyn to put me on clomid and up my dose of metformin. I don't think the metformin is exactly working for me anymore - not to mention I get the sickest stomach anymore. I think the whole no gallbladder and metformin will throw my stomach through a loop. You would think after all this upset stomach business that I would be thinner? But NO. I can't seem to move this fucking scale! I'm going to hit the gym more and am going to do low-carb eating - but not crazy style. Just wheat products, no white flours (if I can help it) and NO sugar. We'll see. I have been eating nuts at work, fruit and veggies. So far, so good. No weight loss yet, but lord help me if I eat something that doesn't agree with me, I get very sick to my stomach. Also the past two days have had no appetite. Wondering if I am getting sick? Not sure, but ... seriously ... on Saturday felt horrible and didn't want to really eat... Friday I pretty much had a sick stomach all day and didn't eat all that much. Oh well, I just ... am getting tired of waiting to try for a baby. I just wish my doc would put me on SOMETHING so we might have a chance! I want to get pregnant by this time next year. And so fucking tired of some people saying that I should lose weight before I get pregnant, the thing is, I CAN'T ... I can if I A. exercise everyday and B. eat salad all the time. I have a big issue losing weight ... maybe I do have PCOS ... because seriously ... the only way I lost before is when my gallbladder went bad and I was too scared to eat ... and only ate rice and salad everyday (and in that didn't even eat more than a few spoon fulls.) Now ... I am trying to lose and .... just can't. SO I'm not putting off trying for a baby because this weight loss thing is just ... not happening. My body doesn't want to lose it? I don't get it. My gyn doesn't think it's a major issue as well, she said last time, "there are women twice your size who've gotten pregnant." So EH. I am going to continue to be healthy and exercise and eat right and PRAY for weight loss. I'm so very frustrated with this all. I know hubby feels bad and my family skirts the issue and suddenly I'm a charity case. There are just so many excuses you can give before they run out...... 10:30 p.m. - 2009-06-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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